A place to start
by emilymsr
Summary: Spoilers 2x16 AU after that. Michael, Sara and Linc on the run and sharing a motelroom for the night. The brothers have a much needed conversation. Linc has a few words with Sara and finally Sara and Michael have a little heart to heart.Mostly Sara POV.
1. Chapter 1

**A place to start ...**

Michael, Sara and Linc are still on the run and sharing a motel-room for the night. The brothers have a much needed conversation. Linc has a few words with Sara and finally Sara and Michael have a little heart to heart. Answers are exchanged. Mostly Sara POV.

Spoilers for 2x16 Chicago and goes AU after that...The story assumes their day ends after the episode. Then they head towards their motel for the night...

Disclaimer: All characters and situations from 'prison break' are properties of Paul Scheuring in association with 20th Century Fox Television. No copyright infringement intended.

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**PART 1**

"_Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives." – Richard Bach _

It looked like any cheap motel room. And smelled like it too. Seventies patterned curtains, two double sized beds covered in blankets that looked like grandma herself had knit them. But still it was a place to rest, a place to call 'home' even if it was just for the night. Sara had to think hard to remember when she had last been 'home', much less 'at home' somewhere. She'd gotten used to the emptiness inside, the feeling of being on the run. At times, perhaps, it felt like she'd been on the run her whole life instead of two weeks. Always in between things to come and things past, looking, searching but never finding what she was looking for.

So when they stepped inside the doorway and looked around, Sara felt a strange sense of relief. At least they'd made it this far, safe and still together. It had been a very long and exhausting day. They'd been through the ringer, escaped just in time. But Sara knew and felt that what really drained her energy today was not the chase, not the bad guys catching onto them. It was seeing the bad guy who had haunted her dreams ever since he had tried to kill her. Seeing Kellerman again had started a rage and a fury inside of her that she barely recognised as her own. That reminded her of the rage she'd felt before and that could only be contained by the lulling lies of her morphine friend. She could barely believe what she'd tried to do on the train. And then there were the good guys... she'd felt so cold when she learned of Michael and Linc being captured again. She'd felt so helpless and alone that no matter how hard she tried to numb the pain, to forget why she was on the run...in the end she just couldn't. And she'd spent countless hours in her motel room thinking, pondering and replaying everything that had happenend... at Fox River, before the escape and everything after. When she'd recieved Michael's message on tv she just couldn't believe it. Thought she was seeing things at first and then she noticed the code...the message.

That night she remembered one of the conversations she had with Michael at Fox River. She was saying something to him about cynicism and realism. She remembered Michael saying: 'and then there's optimism, hope, faith'. Back then she had thought it was so funny and out of context that she had replied 'This coming from and eight-toed man locked up in a pennitentiary'. And when he said that 'toes were overrated' she'd known he was serious. That night after the message, she started to have faith. Faith in the man she didn't know wether to love or hate. Hope, that maybe there was a way out of this mess after all. Optimism, that no matter how cynical, that some things were very real.

Seeing Michael at the train station, had 'almost' felt like home. For a moment, there was no anger, no ambiguity, no doubts, no pain...just breathing and feeling and living. Being safe, feeling safe wrapped up in the arms of America's most wanted con. For a moment, she could almost forget everything. For a moment, there was just relief to be there with him. And when she let go and looked up at him.. she knew he'd felt it too. He smiled about her hair and she'd felt nervously self-conscious. And then she looked at the other good guy, Lincoln. Suddenly even though she'd felt the weight of the world and the reality of their situation come crushing back on her shoulders and she stil couldn't believe the trouble she was in, 'they' were in...she'd also known that she'd done the right thing. No matter what the consequences of her actions and their escape might be, Michael's intentions for saving his brother were true, were just, were right. And so was her decision to help them. Because in the end, she didn't want to be cynical, she wanted to hope that there was a chance for justice, for the truth, for brotherly love. She knew she did the right thing and she was prepared to face the consequences and fight back.

She'd felt Lincoln look at her at the train station. Freedom looked really good on him. This man was what had started this whole mess and he didn't deserve this. His whole life ruined, his family ruined. She couldn't even imagine what these brothers had been through. Then they told her about their 'guest' and she felt panick rise in the pit of her stomach. She immediatly felt Michael's searching eyes on her, full of concern and heard Lincoln's quiet cough at her frozen stance. Then she told them about her little meet-and-greet with 'Lance' aka Kellerman. For a second she doubted wether she'd made the right decision coming to meet Michael and Lincoln, wondering what part of their plan she would be this time, if she really could trust them at all. But those thoughts were short lasted. She recognized the internal struggle in the brother's eyes. They were looking at each other and back at her. Their silent communication didn't reveal everything but enough for Sara to understand that Kellerman wasn't exactly their best friend either.

Kellerman or not, she had admitted to herself the night she got 'Michael Crane' on the phone that she wanted to be with Michael, that she needed to be. She couldn't change the past, she couldn't pretend the situation wasn't as dangerous and uncertain as it really was. It didn't matter though, in the end the truth couldn't be denied or hidden. She cared about Michael, from day one. A kind of caring that went beyond professionalism, in the end even beyond all rational thought. A kind of caring that had awoken something in her heart so honest, so real that she knew she couldn't keep denying it. Sure, there was anger, hurt, betrayal in there too. She wouldn't forgive him overnight and he still had some serious explaining to do. The question marks were everywhere and her heart and head were still in constant battle. But in all the long hours she had to herself thinking since she was on the run from Kellerman and the people trying to kill her she'd come to some conclusions and she felt stronger now, more in control.

When they made sleeping arrangements for the night, Michael had insisted that Kellerman slept in a seperate room. Lincoln had backed him up saying that they needed some time alone. The last had been reluctant but in the end he gave in. His suspicions and distrust of being left on his own couldn't outweigh the anxiousness that sleeping in the same room with 3 people angry enough to kill him without any regret, was enough encouragement for him to take the next room and sleep alone. I guess my little 'outburst' on the train helped convince him to stay away from me and the two men who had my back.

The door closed behind us with a loud click and an uncomfortable silence followed for just a few seconds. Then I just dropped my bag on the bed furthest away from the door and let myself fall flat on my back on the bed and released the breath I had been holding. It felt so good to just relax and not have to be on my guard for a minute and I instantly started wriggling to find a better position. Lincoln muttered a humourful 'make yourself at home, Sara' at my efforts and I couldn't help but smile a genuine smile at his reply as I watched Michael's features relax a little at the scene before him. The men dropped their bags on the same double bed closest to the door. A small part of me was suddenly very disappointed at that fact; then again things were hard enough already that the last thing we needed was bed adventures of any kind to make things even more complicated. Michael looked over at me with a very uncharacteristic uncertain and shy look on his face. I understood though and gave him a small smile getting to a sitting position on the bed. Lincoln was kicking off his boots, trying to get comfortable himself. He looked at Michael and again there it was, that silent communication thing. It wasn't the first time I'd noticed it. Even at Fox River with a number of guards, plexiglass and bars in between them, they didn't need words to connect or to convey meaning. Not for the first time, I wondered what kind of bond these two brothers really had. Lincoln then said

'Why don't you take the shower first Sara? Ladies first and all that...'

I chuckled at his remark but didn't decline the offer. I grabbed my bag and headed towards the small badroom. Locking the door behind me, I found myself alone and looking in the mirror once again seeing my reflection. As I started to undress and turn on the shower, my thoughts wondered back to that other bathroom I'd been in today. A small blush crept to my cheeks as I stared at my reflection. He had kissed me...again. Just like I'd wanted him too... like I needed him too. To make me believe that there was faith, to make me believe that there was a chance for us. I guess being around Kellerman got me on the edge and pushed me to take some kind of control back over what happened to me. I didn't regret trying to kill him or at least hurt him, but I did surprize myself in doing so. I wondered if I had also surprized Michael. Though he didn't seem to care at all about Kellerman or what I did...he did care about me and how I was doing. When I let him come into the bathroom, I knew I had to say something before too much would come in between us again. Last time I saw him things went very wrong afterwards. 'Time to put my cards on the table'...I had made up my mind before taking the train to Chicago. So I laid it all out there on that very thin line... anxious about his feelings, scared that he might in fact not feel the same way and horrified that I might just be a piece of the puzzle, a part of the plan.

I stepped under the hot water and let it cleanse my skin...soothe my tired limbs... I could still remember every detail of how Michael looked at me after I told him I had fallen in love with him. The intensity, the seriousness, the pure focus of that look made me shiver all over again. It wasn't a romantic moment, it wasn't a even a passionate moment...it was just a very honest and tentative moment. Like time had slowed down and everything that was left in the world were those two eyes looking at me, looking through me...such sorrow in those eyes, such pain and finally so much love that at the first touch of his lips, I felt myself falling all over again. I lathered up with soap luxuriously, cheap motel soap and shampoo but still it felt heavenly. I quickly got out of the shower, not wanting to take up all the hot water. As I was drying myself off, I picked up some bits and pieces of the conversation in the next room. At first I didn't mean to listen to what they were saying, but I couldn't help myself to wonder what they were talking about when no one was around.

'Michael, I'm serious' I heard Lincoln say. 'I haven't said anything about it the past few days cause I knew you were worried about Sara, but you need to get some sleep tonight. You haven't been sleeping for over a week. Even for you that's too much!!'

'I'm fine Linc ..' Michael started answering.

'No you're not fine. You haven't been sleeping at all... you can't keep doing this. I've seen with the LLI can do to you. Sooner or later you'll hurt yourself or simply crash. Look, I know you've been worried about Sara for a long time on top of everything else, but she's fine now so you can let it go. She's here with us, with you... she's safe. At least try to get some sleep tonight.' He sounded very pleading.

Michael made some kind of grunting noise which seemed to both annoy and humour Linc because he started replying...

'God Michael, if I catch you tonight lying awake and looking at her sleeping, you're going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble. I don't pretend to completely understand your feelings for her, but I know enough to know that you're already in a lot of trouble.' Linc was laughing now as well. Didn't figure him to be so talkative...

'You can't really blame me for that, huh?' Michael intermitted.

'Guess I can't, no... if Vee was here, I'd probably have you on my back as well.' The laughter died away and a small pauze ensued. Then Lincoln added 'But I know you are near the breaking point of what even you can take, you need your rest and if you don't do it yourself, I'll spill my guts to the Doc and you'll be in even more trouble, if that's still possible. Cause you might not listen to me, but she'll make you listen to her if I tell her what you've been going through.' He sounded both teasing but with a seriousness that wasn't to be mocked with. Interesting that Lincoln thought I had anything to say over Michael at all...

'Ok, you win...I'll try to get some sleep... I want to sleep but it's just...' He groaned again, frustrated.

'Nightmares?' Lincoln asked in a very low voice.

'Not just when I sleep anymore; I just have to close my eyes and it's all there...everything. Even when I'm wide awake... if I don't push it back.' Michael sounded completely drained, even a bit desperate. I'd never heard Michael so defeated before. He sighed... I heard one of them start pacing and then Lincoln...

'How long has it been like that?'

'A while now...' Michael answered and Lincoln sniffed...'after I came into Fox River'

'Stupidest thing you ever did with all that brain of yours' Lincoln scoffed, obviously feeling guilty.

'It's not the prison life, Linc, I could take that.' It was Michael pacing... he stopped not too far away from the bathroom door so I could hear him a lot louder now...he continued 'first it was images of you getting executed, images of the plan with every hitch and misstep not planned...' he paused and took a deep breath and loudly exhaled...'then Sara, at the riot cornered in the infirmary...every suspicious look she ever gave me, the hurt in her eyes when I told her about the plan.'

'You told her about the plan before we got out?' Lincoln asked incredulous and continued '...oh man, knowing that she could spill the beans on us and go to the Pope with everything, you still told her.' They pauzed... and Michael continued so silently that I had to strain to hear the words.

'I couldn't not tell her. I couldn't lie to her anymore than I had already...couldn't do that to her. Didn't want to either...' He sighed ...

'Guess she was never part of the plan, huh?'

'No, never. The infirmary was a means to an end but Sara... Sara was everything I didn't plan and I never could have planned either.'

'Figures...' Lincoln laughed.

'Why'd you say that?' Michael asked, sounding a bit amused as well.

'Figures that the last place on earth where you can fall in love, under the least possible circumstances, you did just that little bro...' He pauzed again, then added in a very serious tone.

'How far would you go for her?'

'All the way' Michael replied immediatly. 'If she'll let me.' He sighed.

'Thought so...' He laughed. 'You are in a lot of trouble, Mike, but it's the good kind of trouble this time.' They both chuckled.

'I'm really sorry about Vee, Linc. I didn't get a chance before to tell you.' Michael continued in a sad voice.

'Yeah'

'She...you were the love of her life. Despite what happened before. She never stopped loving you, you know that.'

'I do... I finally do know that.' Lincoln quietly said. 'But it took me too long, waisted too much time. Don't make that same mistake Michael. I know you're a saviour, but you're no fool... you planned this to the minute, you wouldn't risk all of it for just a girl...she's the girl, she's your girl. Just like Vee was mine.'

'Yeah' Michael murmured.

I realised I needed to get out of that bathroom... there were only so many things that could have kept me in there any longer. Though temped to hear more of their conversation, I wasn't sure I could handle to hear any more. I quickly cleaned out the wound on my arm, combed my hair and stepped out of the bathroom all the while making enough noise to make sure they heard me coming...


	2. Chapter 2

**A place to start ...**

Michael, Sara and Linc are still on the run and sharing a motel-room for the night. The brothers have a much needed conversation. Linc has a few words with Sara and finally Sara and Michael have a little heart to heart. Answers are exchanged. Mostly Sara POV.

Spoilers for 2x16 Chicago and goes AU after that...The story assumes their day ends after Michael and Sara go into the Cigar Club. Then they head towards their motel...

Disclaimer: All characters and situations from 'prison break' are properties of Paul Scheuring in association with 20th Century Fox Television. No copyright infringement intended.

**PART 2**

'_**Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.' – Martin Luther King**_

I tried my best to look very nonchalant but I couldn't help myself stealing a glance at Michael to see how he had taken the conversation with Linc. He looked very tired indeed and had his very intense look on his face which could only mean he was thinking about something, contemplating or making another one of his plans. I was guessing it was the second. When he saw me enter the bedroom again, he looked straight at me and couldn't conceal a very appreciative look going up and down my body which made my whole spine shiver with excitement. I was holding the cuts on my arm loosely with the old bandage trying to get a new one from my handbag. Michael, of course, didn't need any encouragement and stepped up to the rescue.

'Here, let me help you with that' He took the new bandage out of my hand and positioned himself on the bedcovers. 'Why don't you sit down and let me do it?'

I gave him a bit of a smile and sat down next to him.

'Need anything on those wounds or some more cleaning?' He asked while holding my arm and examining it up close.

'No, it should be fine with the bandage covering the wound'

'Ok, then talk me through it, Doc' He said almost teasingly. He set to the task with as much vigour as a three-year old drawing their favourite hero. To me, it felt like I had been given an indulgance: seeing Michael so free and so unconcerned was quite the change from the man with a plan. I gave him the instructions and he managed to bandage my arm like a fully trained doctor. He looked quite proud of it actually. As I followed every one of his movements and observed him taking care of me, I felt like this man was more dangerous for me than the whole of the company. He looked up at me when he was done with a real smile on his face as he started rubbing the lower part of my arm with his fingers. As I felt his eyes bore into mine, I looked back at him... no barriers. Happy that our intermezzo in the train didn't leave any uneasiness lingering between us. I was mesmerized by his look and felt each and every part of me relax into his touch as I lowered my head to touch his with mine. He breathed in the smell of me and closed his eyes.

'Sara' he murmered and I could feel his hot breath on my face, feel the vibrations of his deep voice ripple through me. What this man could do to me... Could it be that I could do as much to him? Could it be that this complicated, beautiful, passionate man was really in love with me? My mind drifted back to the afternoon...

"Sara, about before..." I didn't see it coming of course, fidgeting with my hair trying to look descent and not get caught and look casual and then "Me too." He said it. Said he was in love with me as I had admitted to him earlier in the train.

I felt a smile creep up my face, trying to let him know without words how much this moment meant to me. He chuckled back, touching my cheek with his fingers, so lightly.

'Me too' he said again, looking me straight in the eye. That gaze could undo me. In fact, I have come undone because of it. In more ways than one. Just as he had had the power to tear me apart, he was slowly but deliberatly and so carefully putting back the pieces of my heart one by one that I knew it had all been real.

I reached out to touch his cheek, felt the stubble there. I felt more than heard him swallow very deep before he took another deep breath and opened his eyes again to look at me.

'I should probably go take a shower and let you get some rest...'

It was more of a statement than a question. While everything in my body screamed at him to stay in this moment, I knew he was right. This wasn't the place, or the time...but it was a beginning, a reaffirmation, a closeness however short lasted that we both needed so desperatly.

Suddenly Lincoln stepped out of the bathroom, freshly showered. I hadn't even noticed him going in the bathroom. How long had we been sitting here like this together? Linc swung a towel at Michael.

'Better go take a shower before this dump runs out of hot water.' With his bare chest revealed, he rummaged through their duffle bag to dig up a 'fresh' t-shirt. 'Maybe Sara can take a look at your scrapes and bruizes afterwards' He said rather mischieviously, I thought.

Michael just smiled a broad smile at me and slowly let go of my arm as he got up to go to the bathroom. I followed him with my eyes and noticed the tiredness in his posture. Still in his eyes there had also been lightness. I wondered if my presence had comforted him, soothed his pain as his presence had mine. The door closed and the sound of the water tab did reach my ears this time. I exhaled loudly, finally feeling the fatigue seep back into my tense muscles.

'Urhm, Sara' Lincoln quitly interrupted my reverie.

'Yeah?' I quickly answered turning my face to him. He was leaning against the window frame in a very nonchalant way. Despite his posture, his look was quite tense.

'I don't want to come off like the big brother protecting the little one. This whole thing has been proof enough that the little one outweighs me in more ways than one but euh... I wanted to talk to you about Michael.' He gave me a shy look which for a moment made me feel very uncomfortable, just like being questioned by the 'big brother' actually.

But then he continued determined 'I don't know what exactly happened between you and him...Michael and I, well we don't often talk in that way...and under the circumstances...' He made a gesture in the air with his hands and got stuck on his words. He stared at the ground and then looked up, straight into my eyes. 'But I do know Michael...' He pauzed, looking in the direction of the bathroom which still expelled noises of water running. '...as well as you can get to know Michael at least'. He sighed, returning his gaze to the floor, looking for his next words. 'You know about his LLI?' He asked, looking up. 'A bit' I answered truthfully, still nervous, wondering where he was going with this.

'It makes Michael the extraordinary person that he is. He doens't see, feel or do things like normal people do, like you and I do.' He looked at me again.

'I guess normal people don't break their brothers out of prison huh?' I tried, not really knowing what he wanted me to say.

'It's hard for him to find a balance in just everyday life, he's only found some way of dealing with the LLI the last few years and that took him a lot of hard work. He's had a lousy childhood, he's used to dealing with a lot of crap and hardships... But what he's been going through lately... I can't begin to imagine what prize he's having to pay for it.'

I was getting worried. I realized after talking to Dr. ... how difficult Michael's condition must be to live with. How heavy the burden he had to carry must be. Had seen him after his breaking point; had seen how bad he could hurt himself. I'd been so caught up in my own misery that I hadn't really stopped to think about what all this must have been like for Michael. He made his choices in breaking out, yes...but he wasn't responsible for all the collateral damage. Even I understood that, even in my angriest moments. But Michael must feel responsible for every single bit of it. Jeezus...

'What are you saying Lincoln?' I asked. 'He's doing ok, right?' I added, scared that he might not be. I still needed him to be ok.

'I don't know Sara.' He looked at his feet. 'He's trying to hang in there, but how much pressure can one man really take? I don't know.'

He pauzed again, twisting with his hands. 'You know, before I got in...he had his life on the right track, did everything the way he was supposed to do it, the way he thought he was expected to. But I always felt like he wasn't happy. Like something was missing. Lost in his organized world that had no meaning, no purpose...'

His words surprized me, showed me an image of Michael I'd never considered before. I was shocked that Lincoln would be so open with me. Why was he telling me this?

'When I was convicted, Michael was so angry at me. He couldn't understand me. He had wanted to help me but we'd drifted apart. He took the good road up and I took the bad road down.' Lincoln smiled wryly. 'I don't know if you know this, but the reason Michael started this whole insane plan to break me out was guilt. Plane, simple, all consuming, never ending guilt.'

'Why?' I asked. I didn't understand.

'I had a lot of debt to pay off to some very wrong people. Money I loaned off of them to get Michael through school and college. I had always told him the money came from a life insurance our mother left both of us. He took his money and as you know put it to good use, whereas I made him believe I took mine just to drink and do drugs. I didn't though, I didn't have any money. The night I was supposedly caught for killing Steadman, I was doing a job for one of the guys I owed. They'd leave me alone if I did it cause there was no way I was ever going to be able to pay back the loan. I never wanted Michael to find out but eventually when I went to prison, Veronica told him the truth.'

'Oh my god' was all I could say...

'Yeah' Lincoln slowly added. 'For Michael, the need to make things right again, to save me from a fate I didn't deserve...in a very strange way, it gave him focus...made him able to put all his energy and genius at work. Ever since, I saw him changing as a person, you know? Like he'd somehow found his passion, his goal. Like he finally figured out how to make it all work. At first, I thought he might have found a girl or a promotion or whatever. I was happy for him. It only dawned on me what he was doing once I saw him on the inside of Fox River. By then, obviously, it was too late to stop him.'

I stared at him, at a loss for words.

'The reason I'm telling you this, Sara, is not because I want to defend what he did to you. He'll tell his story eventually. He'll give you the answers you need. Wether or not you can live with that and forgive him is up to you to decide. I'm telling you this because I want to help you understand him. I know that's hard. He's such a complex person. But you need to understand him.'

I was overwhelmed, like pieces of the puzzle were slowly starting to shift around. Lincoln sounded pleading...he sounded honest..

'Sara, it took me a while this time to figure it out but...what's keeping him going this time, now that we're out...it's not me.'

I looked up at him, surprized. He smiled.

'What he's dealing with now, especially with his LLI, it should have destroyed him weeks ago. I've seen it happen before... He doesn't sleep, he barely eats, has horrible nightmares when he does sleep...because of all the stress and the strain, he can't control his mind as good anymore. So the LLI kicks in and distorts everything. Like I said, he doens't see things or do things like normal people do...' He started walking towards me and sat down next to me on my bed, all the while observing me.

'He also doesn't love like normal people do. He's had girls, he dated of course. He was in it with his head, never his heart...But this time ...he's fallen in love with you. My guess would be for a while now. Despite his meticulate planning, in spite of what his head must have told him. From what I can tell, he's risked a lot for you, both on the inside and out, ...a lot. The passion I see in him now ...he's found that in knowing you and loving you. I think it's the only thing keeping him going now, keeping him sane. The only thing that's strong enough to fight his inner demons.'

I was stunned, my cheeks started to blush and I didn't know what to say. Lincoln was watching me again, wrinkling his hands.

'Do you love him?' He asked straightforward. In a heartbeat I looked up at him, into his eyes... The words tumbled out of my mind before I had time to think them through...

'I...I think I do. And it's the only thing that makes sense in any of this.' I was staring at my hands again, briefly thinking of how odd this conversation had turned out to be.

'Good' Lincoln said, looking very relieved at me with that half smile again that reminded me a bit of Michael. 'You'll both be fine then.'

The water had stopped running, signaling the end of Michael's shower and the end of this conversation ...

'Lincoln, thank you...for sharing this with me.' I softly said, looking away a bit embarrassed and still overwhelmed with everything that was said.

'You know, this is probably the most I've talked in years...' He laughed sincerely and then he hesitated, searching for words. 'Just wanted you to know that you're special to Michael. And I can't begin to tell you what that means to me. If you don't believe anything else, believe that he cares about you..like no other man can.' He added softly, giving me an encouraging smile.

I sat back on the bed. My mind was trying to process the conversation.


	3. Chapter 3

**A place to start ...**

Michael, Sara and Linc are still on the run and sharing a motel-room for the night. The brothers have a much needed conversation. Linc has a few words with Sara and finally Sara and Michael have a little heart to heart. Answers are exchanged. Mostly Sara POV.

Spoilers for 2x16 Chicago and goes AU after that...The story assumes their day ends after Michael and Sara go into the Cigar Club. Then they head towards their motel...

Disclaimer: All characters and situations from 'prison break' are properties of Paul Scheuring in association with 20th Century Fox Television. No copyright infringement intended.

**PART 3**

'_**Talking about love is like dancing about architecture.' – Playing by Heart.**_

The door opened and Michael entered the bedroom, with his chest bare naked and his wet towel hanging over his shoulder. I watched him move through the room to their duffel bag where he dropped the shirt he'd worn today. Meanwhile Lincoln had stripped to his boxers and was crawling into their bed on the furthest side away from me.

'Don't know about you guys but I'm turning in for the night.' Michael turned to look at him suspiciously. Suddenly I felt like I couldn't just leave the evening at that. I got up and moved towards Michael, bending down and retrieving the dirty shirt he'd just tossed into his bag. I gave him a shy but steady look and turned around heading back to my bed to change my clothes for the night. I didn't have anything else to wear. It was a good enough excuse to borrow his shirt, right? If I wasn't going to have Michael sleeping next to me tonight, I might as well be comforted by the next best thing and sleeping in his shirt was as good as it gets.

I saw from the corner of my eye that Michael and Lincoln were looking at each other. Linc giving Michael a big smile before turning his back on us and settling in for the night. I felt so grateful to him, not only for talking to me about Michael, but for giving us a few more precious minutes alone. Or as alone as we could get on the run, anyway. I turned my back at them and swiftly took off my shirt and bra and pulled Michael's t-shirt on. It came down over my bottom so I could safely remove my jeans without revealing too much to anyone. It felt strangely familiar wearing his shirt. I felt more than saw Michael's intense stare burn a hole into my back. I took a deep breath surprising myself with feelings of nervousness. Turning around with as much calmness as I could muster, my heart dropped and leaped back up in a matter of milliseconds. There he was, still standing at the exact same position where I'd left him minutes before shyly studying his toes. All eight of them by the looks of it. How he could be so deliberate, bold and presumptious one minute and then completely fragile and heartbreakingly clueless the next was beginning to be beyond me. My saviour and endangerer. Michael... I coughed a little to let him know I was done and he looked at me first sweetly and full of wonderment. I felt self-conscious again but the feeling fled when his gaze turned into admiration, lust and finally love. Gone was the shyness, this was the determined man looking straight into my eyes, letting me see everything. Realizing we'd been staring at each other for some minutes without saying a word, I offered to take a look at his injuries and he softly agreed.

'Sit here' I told him, pointing to my bed. 'I'll see if I can find anything useful in my bag.'

He was sitting there with his chest bare and his intricate tattoos staring at me. I had to focus hard to keep my mind on tending to his injuries when there was so much flesh to explore before me. For the first time, it really occurred to me that he was free... I was able to touch him without somebody standing around, without having to watch the clock to make sure I didn't spend an inappropriate amount of time on him, without fearing that my hands would betray me to him. I could touch him and I didn't need any excuse. What's more, he could touch me...freely. He wanted to touch me. His every breath expelled desire, want, need. I could tell cause he was tapping his fingers on his still jeans clad knees. I didn't know everything about Michael Scofield, but I knew he couldn't keep his fingers still when he was nervous, or trying very hard to control his thoughts and feelings.

Finally I gathered up enough professionalism to pull my own gaze from his lust-inspiring body and sat behind him on the bed. I curled my leg up so it was touching his bottom and let my other leg fall next to him off the bed. Well, so far for professionalism.

'I'm going to look at your burn first,ok?' I started pulling off the bandage that looked like it had been on there for a while. 'When's the last time you changed the bandage and cleaned the wound?' I softly asked, letting my breath carress his neck in small puffs. He reacted involuntary to the feel of my breath on him and I saw and felt the goosebumps appear on his skin. I was pleased with myself being able to evoke that kind of reaction from him. Knowing I'd broken through the cool and all-controlling Michael Scofield exterior. Knowing that he let me... 'Couple of days ago... I think.' He answered my question. I pulled the bandage off completely and looked at the damage. It was ok though, just needed some cleaning and desinfecting. 'It looks good enough, considering.' I reassured him. 'This is going to sting just a little bit though, I'm going to try and clean it up a bit.' I took some lotion and started dabbing the burn-wound. 'Okay' He breathed. I continued cleaning the wound slowly and thoroughly. Didn't want it to infect or leave a bigger scar than necessary. I felt a strange sense of possession; even though my actions were professional and methodological...he didn't feel like a patient anymore...at all and I found my free hand roaming his back luxuriously, revelling in the feel of him. 'Sara' he moaned, softly putting his hand on my bare leg, steadying himself.

'Sorry' I giggled a little and removed the supposedly offending hand from his back and let it rest on his upper arm where I gave him a light squeeze. 'All done, just let it air-dry for a while, I'll put on a new bandage in the morning, ok?'

He started turning towards me on the bed but I stopped him. 'Not just yet, still have to look at your arm Mr. Scofield.' I said teasing, all the while smiling. This felt so nice, so comfortable.

'Whatever you say, Doc.' He was watching my every move as I shifted my position to sit next to him so I could look at his arm. I pulled away the bandages to reveal a fairly ugly looking wound.

'Looks infected' I said, worried. 'We should get something in the morning to clean it out. I don't have anything strong enough to help contain the infection. Does it hurt?'

'Euhm, yeah maybe a bit.' Michael shrugged his shoulders. Stupid question to ask, of course. With all the adrenalin, on the run, getting caught, escaping ...again, minimal hygiene, minimal food and sleep...no wonder the wound got infected. I guess it wasn't high on the list of priorities right now. I started dabbing around the edges and noticed Michael flinching just a little.

'Hurts enough, I'd say' looking at him.

'I'll live' he said nonchalantly. As I was about to make a remark on how he should take better care of his injuries and not shrug them away, I noticed that his attention was elsewhere engaged. Specifically at me, actually. He was still monitoring my every move, absorbing every little thing like it was the very breath he needed. His eyes were everywhere and I felt every muscle in my body repond to him. It didn't help that I was sitting in front of him with only his t-shirt on me. He didn't seem to mind all the exposed flesh though. I could almost see his mind making a map of every shape, every exposed bit of flesh, every sign my body was giving him. I briefly wondered how he did see the world, how he saw me. If he could visualize every part of me and lock it away in his beautiful mind. I locked my eyes with his. This Michael didn't hold back anymore. No more cool exterior I had gotten used to in the infirmary. This Michael let me see all the confusion in his mind, all the complexities in his emotions, all the feelings he wanted to share with me. His look was so intense that it stole my breath away. So slowly, I watched as a smile spread across his face, lighting up his eyes. The hand that had been resting on my leg started making its way up to my cheek. And when it arrived at its destination, caught my head with such delicate movement, I had to close my eyes and swallow very hard to keep the tears from falling. No, this man didn't do anything like normal people do... I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again. He was still there, staring intently at me. 'Sara' he repeated my name again. It was enough.


	4. Chapter 4

PART 4

'_There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.' _

– _Morpheus, The Matrix._

'I wanted to wait for you.' I whispered, tears still threatening to spill over. 'I wanted to believe it was real...I just couldn't ...before.'

Maybe this wasn't the time or the place, but I needed to get rid of all the excess bagage. With the conversation with his brother still in my head, I needed to give him some answers of my own. I would take whatever answers he was willing to give me.

'Wanting you to wait for me...that was real. But as much as it killed me to know I was losing you, I needed to go ahead with the plan. I had to try to get Lincoln out, to get him safe. He's my family. He's the reason I was there in the first place.'

'I know.' I softly squeezed his arm, encouraging him to continue.

'But you...you were the reason I stayed alive in there. And not because you were the maintenance crew to clean me up everytime, Sara. With you, I could be myself even if I didn't want to. You kept me honest, even though I couldn't always be honest with you...' He sighed. 'I'm so sorry about what happened ...to you. So very sorry.' He looked down at the floor.

'I thought it had all been an act...everything. The charms, the looks, the conversations...I just didn't understand. My heart was telling me it was real, but my head ...was convincing me it had all been a big lie, that I'd been used once again. That I had been nothing more than a pawn in a very elaborate game.' I swallowed, remembering all those horrible feelings and the confusion.

'You were never a pawn, Sara' He stressed the words. 'I needed the infirmary, that was the plan. Getting you involved wasn't. At first I needed to be there for the plan, like I said but then I wanted to be there, needed to be around you ... for myself. I never expected you to care so much, never could have imagined I would start to care for you in the way that I did. I tried so hard to shut it all out, but I couldn't. You slipped into my mind and found your way into my heart as well.' He had started fidgeting. With his last words, he glanced over at me looking like a dear caught in the headlights. His gaze shifted to the darkness surrounding us, staring at the opposite bed on which Lincoln was soundly sleeping. He stopped his hands and released a long sigh.

'The moment I realized you weren't just the doctor anymore, it was already too late. I could plan everything to the second from the outside but once inside I quickly lost control over the plan. I had to make so many last minute adjustments because of the other inmates. Everything became complicated and then I had to involve you. I hoped you would understand, hoped you would believe me but I knew how bad it looked. I knew I was asking you to risk a lot, but had I known I would destroy your life...' He added agitated, guilt written all over his face..'I did a background check on you, but I never knew...' He didn't finish his sentence.

'You couldn't have known about my past. My dad kept it hidden. No records to show for it...no spot on his political name...' My voice was stronger than I felt.

'Still, I shouldn't have asked you to do it... I asked you to risk everything, without giving you anything in return after betraying your trust more than once.' The guilt was tangible.

It was my turn to make –him- understand. Time to own up to my own mistakes.

'Michael, I trusted my head in believing you used me, because in the past I've never learned to trust my heart. I was taught to push emotions away, to numb them. My mother was an alcoholic who couldn't face the world around her. My father was never there. I learned to survive with my head.'

I could tell every nerve ending in his body was focussed on me. His hunger to see inside my mind, my soul evident. He wanted to understand, to listen, to learn. It helped ease the shame I felt in telling my story. I've never been proud of what I'd become...an addict. But all truth be told, I'm probably as much an addict as I am a doctor. If Michael was going to love me, he would have to know and accept that part of me as well and love me in spite of it. Even if I never could accept that part of me. I continued explaining myself.

'That's why I loved medecine. It's clean, it's clear-cut. Right up untill the point where it gets messy. Where people died despite all the science, despite my best efforts. But I never learned how to deal with those emotions. So I numbed them...with the easiest thing available.'

'Morphine...' He added in a low voice.

'All my life has been devoid of real emotion. Either by my choice or distorted into exctasy by the morphine. When I started screwing up and my father found out, I went to rehab. I worked very hard to get my life back. To make sense of it. And I thought I had it figured out...untill you came along.'

I grabbed his hand and took it in both of mine.

'You were different from the start. You didn't belong in Fox River. I became interested in you. And then before I could stop it or numb the emotion...you had me feeling again. You frustrated me. You made me want to know more. Made me smile when I didn't want to, when I didn't think I could. I started caring about you.' I looked at our joined hands.

'But I also hurt you. I ruined your life. And I didn't even know I had untill that scumbag Bellick told me what happened to you. You could have been dead and I wouldn't have known...' He avoided my gaze, rubbing his fingers through his hair.

'You couldn't have known. I didn't want you to know...' I softly said feeling the burden of regret on his shoulders and of shame and anger on mine. He swallowed hard and looked up at me for a moment.

'Did you want to OD?' He looked away, like he was scared to know the answer.

'I don't remember exactly.' This was the moment of truth. I knew I had to tell him the truth, but I didn't know how he'd react. I felt my muscles stiffen and my breathing quicken. Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hands, I started explaining. 'Leaving the door open was the right thing to do. I believed you, about Lincoln. I thought he was innocent. Helping an inncocent man escape from prison might still be against the law, but executing him for a crime he didn't commit is even worse. I don't think I really considered losing my job, facing criminal charges... '

My mind wandered off and got caught by the sight of his fingers resting loosely in his lap. I guided my hands towards his, needing the contact more than oxygen. Like he was holding me together, making it a little easier to breathe.

My fingers were studying his. Following the lines of his long, slim fingers up to his curvy wrists where I caught sight of his tattoo. The intricate work of art that had started this whole plan of genius. The sheer madness and determination of it evident in every detailed line, element and figure placed upon his naked body. Would this man ever be the same? Did these ink stained puzzles leave a mark imprinted on his soul forever? The night of the escape I had no idea of the scope of his plan, the real motive behind it, the true character of Michael Scofield. My mind was only beginning the process it all now. I let my thoughts drift back to the day he'd asked me to make a mistake...the day I had made many mistakes...

'I did a lot of contemplating that night and ... I realized that I did trust you. But I had never been so confused in my whole life, couldn't make sense of it. You touched my heart when I least expected it. You broke through my defenses, saw through me. No one had done that in a really long time. And then when you told me about the plan...everything came tumbling down and I didn't know what to believe anymore. Then I lost control. Didn't know what to do with all those contradictory feelings. Couldn't think anymore. Just wanted to numb to pain, ban the emotions. It's a conditioned respons. Once a junkie, always a junkie, I guess.'

I looked at him...there was pain in his eyes. Tenseness in his face. But he needed to hear the rest of it too. I pulled his face up so he was looking at me. Left my hand on purpose on his cheek. I wanted him to feel my words.

'Michael, I'm the one who injected that needle into my arm. That was my mistake, my choice. I was angry at you, hurt, betrayed. I felt used and I blamed myself. Maybe the hardest thing was never knowing what had been real. I really don't like to get attached to things if I know they won't last. I wanted you to last. I've felt alone all my life...I didn't want to feel alone again...knowing what I had done...knowing all the things that had happened... You left and I'd never felt so alone in my life.' My heart was pounding loudly in chest. I felt I needed to say these words but they scared the hell out of me at the same time. Letting Michael inside my fragile mind...it was both thrilling and incredibly frightful at the same time. We were both being vulnerable here. It was making me stronger, helping me to face the choices I'd made. I didn't make them in vain. I was here with this extraordinary man and despite how wrong our situation really was, it felt right.

'I'm so sorry. I hurt you so bad.' He was almost crying...

'You did. But I think I can understand now why you had to.' I still had many questions that needed answers but they could wait. I could let go of my anger, the pieces of the puzzle were slowly coming together. Michael was in fact no ordinary man so he didn't do things ordinary. He did what he had to in the only strange way he knew how. The love he had for his brother was proof enough of what this man was really made off. The dept of their bond, though unspoken, went beyond law or regulation. They would stick up for each other for better or worse. And suddenly I realized that Michael would do the same for me...that he already had, like Lincoln said, risked a hell of a lot for me.

He shifted a bit closer to me, sadness evident in his features. But I thought I saw something else too: determination, focus, hope. When he spoke his voice cracked a bit but came out strong nonetheless.

'You weren't going to be alone. You became a part of 'my' plan, Sara. I left you the cranes on purpose. Wanting you to know that you weren't just a pawn I had to charm. I wanted to give you a way out, ... if you could understand me ...and forgive me.' In those words, I saw his his passion, as Lincoln described, come back to life.

'So there was a plan for me as well...quite the schemer you are' I smiled at him.

'Yeah, the plan to make amends and let you know how I felt was supposed to start right after the plan to break Lincoln out. I guess I miscalculated a little on both of those plans.' He smiled, but it was an ironic smile that didn't reach his eyes.

'Well, I didn't exactly help, did I?' I tried to lighten the mood.

'Can't exactly blame you for that one... after what you'd been through, what you had lost...running away to Panama with America's most wanted con who just happened to screw up your whole life, doesn't really sound that amazing, come to think of it.' He let out a sorrowful smile.

'Michael, I won't apologize for giving you a hard time when we met in Gila. I was angry...sometimes I still am. But I know you didn't mean for this to happen the way it turned out. I couldn't see the bigger picture then...or maybe I didn't want to. You hurt me like no one has hurt me before. And I was angry because I let you...' I sighed, frustrated. 'You're a hard man to figure out...I don't understand most of what's going on or how deep it goes. But I think I am beginning to understand –why- you started this plan. And if all else fails... you did get your brother out of prison. Gave him a chance at fighting back and clearing his name, getting his life back with his son, with you... That's something.'

I touched his hands again... 'And I'm here now...' My eyes locked with his, wanting to convey my honesty. '...in this thing, with you and not because I have to be to solve this ...because I want to be here, ...with you.' It was still hard to admit to myself, but the moment I said it, I felt a big chunk of the excess baggage slide off me and as I moved closer to Michael and let my lips slowly carress his for just a second...I drew back and watched a bit of the burden on his shoulders fall away too.

'Sara, it was real...' He whispered, like a plea.

'It was...I just couldn't believe it. But I'm listening to my heart now.' I pulled his hand up to cover my heart. I felt it beating against his palm. Such comfort. Such purpose. The world around me disappeared and I was left in this moment. All I could hear and feel was the beating of my heart against Michael's hand. I felt the blood rush to my face and felt as much as heard the flutter of my heartbeat go up. He was staring intently at his own hand on my heart and I started smiling. A smile that felt like a real smile, full of happiness. Michael looked up at me and smiled back at me. It reminded me off the smiles he sometimes used to give me in the infirmary. It had been real...it was real now. We were still sitting closely together on the bedcovers, smiling at each other, observering each other.

Before I had time to let my mind filter the idea, I slowly started pushing at Michael's arm and shifted myself further on the bed. I leaned back and he followed me untill we were both reclining on the bed. I needed to heal myself, to let myself feel what we just said...and I wanted to heal Michael, let him feel that I meant every word.


	5. Chapter 5

PART 5

_You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes." – Winnie The Pooh_

I scooted next to him and let my arm support my head so that I had the luxury of looking down on him and his tattood upper body. I locked my eyes with his, silently asking for permission. He nodded almost impercetibly. With my free hand, I started roaming over his tattoo... studying it like it would help me unlock the secrets of this man before me. My fingers started to make a trail, starting with his lower arm furthest away from me. I let my fingers roam over his pulse, feeling the life, being witness of the strong emotion inside.

'Ghandi' I stated. My look was challenging, daring him to answer me. His eyes darted to where my fingers touched his skin and then sought contact with mine. There was a twinkle in his eyes, amusement. My question surprised him. I could feel him staring at me...asking me if I really wanted to know all this.

'I looked up your yearbook. It was a convenient quote. Did know and appreciate it before though.' He answered. His tone was serious. He wasn't playing games and he wasn't going to lie or evade my questions this time.

'The joke?' I asked, my fingers creeping up.

'All me' He smiled.

'Diabetes, obviously part of the plan...' I continued, still focussing on my fingers on his flesh.

'Yeah, surest way I could think of to get to the infirmary each day. Best disease I ever got.' He teased, then turned serious again. 'I took pugnac to counter the effects of the insulin shots.'

'I should really hurt you for that one...I was administaring insuline to a man who didn't need it and you took a dangerous drug without prescription.. Michael. You risked a lot' I stopped my fingers and looked up at his face. I wanted him to see my anger, my frustration at his recklessness, at his lack of care for himself.

'It was worth it ... in more ways than intended.' His words were sharp, controlled. I sighed, frustrated. I don't know why Lincoln would think I had anything to say over Michael. I let it go ...and shifted my focus again on his lean arms and let my fingers continue their exploration.

'The story of the eight toes...' My voice was light...curious.

'Abruzzi, trying to weezle information out of me. Thought I had him under control. Didn't untill minus the two toes, though. Hurt like hell. Couldn't let you turn him in cause I needed him. Abruzzi was the transport out.'

'I'm sorry' I softly squeezed his upper arm.

'Story about the monsters in the closet was real, ask Linc.' He added, following my fingers with his eyes. I glanced over at Lincoln's sleeping form on the other side of the room. If I listened carefully, I could hear his soft snoring. It was a comforting sound, knowing that Lincoln was still alive. That Michael had not made his sacrifices in vain. I concentrated my mind back on the conversation with Michael as I felt his eyes on me. My fingers resumed their task and followed their way up his arms.

'The elbow while playing basketball?' I continued.

'Did it myself...needed to be back in the infirmary to chemically treat the pipes of the drain. That was the original exit route.' He stated matter of factly.

'Dinner invitation?'

'Eurhm..' He cleared his throat, a bit nervous then said. 'No charm act there, if only I could have taken you out, I wouldn't have had to keep hurting myself all the time to get your attention.' He jokingly added.

'No charm indeed.' I teased back.

'You scheduling Linc's checkup before my appointments?' It was his time to ask.

'Not so very professional.' I replied seriously. 'I felt for you both...it was the only thing I could do to help.' My fingers were making circles on his shoulders, tracing the lines, admiring the architecture of the tattoo. ' Didn't figure how the both of you could be brothers though.' I added.

From the corners of my eyes, I watched him smile at my comment.

'It surprized me...that you would do something like that. Meant to world to me. Just one more minute with Linc would have been worth the whole prison-thing.' The gratefullness in his voice was obvious. Underneath it a glimpse of this man's determination.

I stopped my fingers again and stared at him...this was at the core of the man I loved. He pushed back the hair that had wildly fallen over my shoulder and tucked it back behind my ear. He then let his free arm rest on my still exposed legs, carefully caressing me.

'The riot?' I had almost reached his right shoulder and was exploring his strong muscles there before continuing my way down his chest.

'Definatly not part of the plan. Almost screwed up the whole thing by coming to get you. I knew you'd figure it out that I was never supposed to be up there. Realized I would have to shut you out and lie to you. But I didn't care. The moment I saw you were in trouble on that monitor, I made my decision. Can't believe I put you in danger like that.' He turned his head away from me, swallowing.

'Michael, you weren't responsible for the riot.' I soothed.

'Ok' He sighed. He looked distraught, like he was gathering up his courage.

'What?' I asked, not quite following...

'This is the part where I do answer your questions.' The intensity that I had gotten so used to was back. He also looked burdened. I felt his body stiffen at the exact same moment my heart skipped a beat in anticipation. It couldn't be that bad, right? I slowly nodded, giving him a encouraging look and getting myself up to a sitting position.

'I needed a lock down...because I needed more time to get out of the cell and work on the escape route. I didn't have enough time in between rounds. I almost got too close a couple of times. So I messed with the airco system...which effectively started a riot, which led to the lock down. And then all hell broke lose...'

'Then why did you come to find me...if you needed time to work on the route?' I pulled my legs underneath me and covered one of his legs with mine, sitting halfway across him. Hips touching though nothing more.

'Like I said, you needed help...' He shrugged like it was a casual thing and tore his gaze over my upper body. I shivered under the scrutiny of his eyes and a content smile slowly spread across his face.

'And the blueprints on the tattoo helped you find your way?' My attention went back to his upper body, still exposed and very close to me. I continued my exploration starting from the waistband of his pants going up...

'Yeah, it's all there.' He looked at his torso while my hands started their luxurious journey. 'I only just got there in time though. I never thought things would get so out of control. Underestimated what the inmates could do. I kept thinking what could have happened if I got there too late. No one should have to go through that...' My fingers were touching his muscles and though trained to do so routinely...this time they followed my instincts, my curiosity instead of my medically indexed mind. They stilled as his muscles tensed with his last sentence...

'I was so scared during the riot, Michael. These men I was taking care of on a daily or weekly basis, suddenly turned into animals the moment they had the opportunity. When you came to find me, I was convinced you didn't belong in Fox River. No real inmate would risk his own skin to save another.' I explained to him. 'But I'm glad you came to find me and not just because you saved me...'

'How's that?' He asked, looking straight at me.

'Because even though I'm sure you didn't want me to at the time, I think I got a glimpse of what kind of man Michael Scofield is really like. Trips to Thailand and everything.' I added, smiling at him, rather smugly. Resuming their previous task, my fingers followed the lines on his tattoo. I tried to make something out of it, but in the end I only worshipped flesh and dedication.

'You know, when we were up there in the air ducts, for just a few minutes it felt like I was just a man and you were just a woman and we were just talking. Not an inmate and a prison doctor, no official procedures...just you and me.' He grabbed my hand and let his thumb play with my fingers.

'I felt it too.' I had felt it...after the riot, I'd started to admit that I liked this man, even though I knew he was an inmate and there was procedure to be followed. I had felt connected with Michael.

'Why did you look up information on me? You went to see my therapist, right?' His hand was still toying with my hand, but his tone was serious.

'To help me understand..I couldn't figure you out but I thought I could help you, could get through to you. I couldn't understand why you rejected my help either. It didn't fit.'

'No, it didn't fit the plan either...' He laughed. 'And then...' He pauzed and turned serious again.' And then maybe I felt that if I let you, you could get too close. That's why I said that the man you were talking about had died when he went to prison.'

'But he didn't, did he.' It was more of a statement than a question. I understood now that he went to prison to be the man that he is. Tearing my eyes away from his body, I searched his eyes, wanting to let him know I was following him...

'I think some parts of him are lost forever...' He sounded a bit melancholy, but then he said in a firmer, more hopeful voice 'But I also think I found some new things because of it...'

'Like what?' I thought I knew what he was getting at, but I wanted him to say it...

'Like the courage to believe in something and to go for it with everything that you've got. I put my blood into it. I found meaning in pursuing something greater than myself, in giving my brother and my family a second chance. I had hope, faith...' He stopped and took hold of my hand and brought it to his chest.' And I found you, Sara.' He let my hand rest where his heart was beating strongly in his chest and mirorred my own gesture moments before.

'So did I.' I gave him a full blown smile. And we remained silent for a few minutes, enjoying the feel of each other, letting the words sink in. His strong heart was throbbing underneath my hand and I felt drawn to this beautiful body, this man who had changed my life. I let myself lean forward and rest my head close to his heart, so I could feel it beating. Beat...after beat...so warm...beat...so soothing...after beat...so strong...beat...so real...after beat. I felt Michael's hand brush through my hair, the other one coming to rest on the small of my back. I needed more answers, more time...

'How about the flower?' My voice came out playful and sounded strangely distent through the beating of his heart under my ear.

'Ah, the flower...' He smiled. 'Also not part of the plan, no charm act. I guess I just wanted you to feel something positive...wanted you to have something that would last. You shouldn't feel sad on your birthday. It made me very happy that you kept it.' He sounded happy.

'It made my day' I added suddenly feeling very shy. 'It made me smile and it made me feel special. And I kept it not because I'm a pack rat but because it was a special gift. Because it was from you.' I softly continued, letting my hand join his in tucking my hair behind my ear. 'And I still have it with me...it's in my bag.' It came out as a whisper and the look in Michael's eyes told me that he was just as touched as I was.

He swallowed hard and cleared his throat, glancing over at Lincoln.

'The origami...Lincoln thaught me how to do it when we were kids. It was this special thing between us. He used to leave me cranes as notes...as a reminder.' He had the most wonderful smile on his face and the glow in his eyes made it obvious that it was a good memory, good times shared.

'What does it mean?' I asked him, wondering about these two brothers who showed their love not in words, but in actions, in origami cranes.

'Well, the crane symbolizes honor, loyalty, long life and joy in Chinese tradition. I think no matter how bad things got when we were little, when Linc left me an origami crane...it made things a little more easier to bear. It meant he was there for me. It meant I just needed to have a little faith...I guess it's a family thing.' A warm smile spread across his face. I wondered what it must have been like for these two brothers, growing up. Life didn't give them an easy pack of cards. But they'd always struggled to survive and get through. They wouldn't give up when they still had each other.

'What about the flower you gave me?' I was curious if there was a hidden meaning there.

He started blushing a little and the sight of a bashful Michael almost left me breathless.

'Euhm...in Chinese tradition the flower signifies long-lasting beauty, romance...and euhm...it symbolizes love.' Ooh, my heart skipped a beat as I felt my own cheeks blushing at his simple admission. My mind started going back over that day in the infirmary. It had felt like such a genuine and honest gesture back then. It had only confirmed the idea that this man was special, different...not a bad guy. But after the break out I'd convinced myself it was just all part of the game and the plan. That the flower was just a trick to gain my confidence, to charm me. But now I knew...

'Sara...' He said my name again and it rippled through me and heated my skin. I pushed up on my hands, tearing away from the hypnotizing beat of his heart. I wasn't finished with the tattoo. I wasn't finished with my answers.

'I think I realized I had feelings for you when I found out you were married. When I saw you coming out of the conjugal room with the epitome of sexuality...I was confused and angry. Felt so stupid for letting you get to me.' Looking away, trying to hide my embarrasment, I drew back a little.

'Nika was very much part of the plan and never more than that. She needed help and I needed a safe way to get me the card without suspicion. It really was just business, Sara. I never had any feelings for her. She's really not my type, you know.' He tried to tickle me and I smiled a little.

'I guess it makes sense now, knowing about the plan. But it didn't back then.' I was shocked when I saw him with his 'wife'. Confused when I later heard she was a stripper. Jealous when she came to talk to me and obviously cared about Michael. And so pissed off that he wouldn't be honest with me.

'Yeah, I wanted to give you answers, wanted to show you that you could trust me and that she didn't mean anything to me romantically. But I couldn't reveal too much. It was so hard being around you, hurting you...and even harder not being around you.' The look he gave me was shy and tender at the same time. But his words didn't miss their effect. Tracing the lines higher and higher on his chest, I concentrated on memorizing and familiarizing myself with this essential part of him.

'Nika did care about you...more than gratefullness required. You know that right?'

'Well, I found out after breaking out, unfortunatly. A jealous woman makes a dangerous woman. But no, I had never considered she would have feelings for me. I never needed or wanted anything more from her than to smuggle the credit card. I was so focussed on the plan that she could have stripped right before my eyes and I wouldn't have noticed or cared. My life was all about the plan for three whole years. I wanted to help her because what they were doing to her was wrong, I wasn't looking for love, sex or distraction.' He was trying to be funny and light about it, but I realized the undertone was still serious. I gave him a raised eyebrow in respons, challenging him.

'Then what about me? You noticed me...?' I wondered what he'd say...

'Well...' He let his hands come down on my legs. Curled up underneath me and leaning against his right hip, he had just enough of exposed skin within his reach. He focussed on my exposed knee, kneeding the soft flesh of my calves...and with a smouldering look, he replied in that husky, charming voice that could get under my skin within seconds... 'You...' His eyes pierced mine with such hunger that I felt my stomach flutter '...are you'. I swallowed very hard, feeling every muscle in my body come to life. 'And even with all your clothes on... I couldn't help but notice you.'

'But you weren't looking for love, remember?' I teased...

'No, that's true...it wasn't part of the plan you see.' He tried to look serious but the twinkling in his eyes gave him away. 'I can't explain it, I guess some things you can't plan... or un-plan.' Flirtation mingling with vulnerability was a really good look on him...

'And the what-if's?' His hands were distracting me, making my body warm, making my mind hazy. But my own hands didn't want to leave their pleasureful task. I was nearing his neckline and I felt his body react to the soft manipulations of my fingers.

'It is something to wonder about, what if we had met in a bar, or anywhere else but prison. I guess we'll never know. The important thing is that we met and we connected.' He gave me a short squeeze to stress his words as much as to tease me.

'You were planning to escape that night, right? You were saying goodbye to me.'

'Yup'

'And something went wrong...and the break out couldn't go on as planned? And then you got scared you wouldn't get Linc out and asked for my help?' I was trying to fill in the blanks in my own map of his breakout plan.

'There were so many things that didn't go according to the plan. Despite the consequences, I needed to get Linc out.' The hurt was obvious...the love for his brother.

'Getting burned was also not part of the plan?' I never could figure that one out. With the back of my hand, I carressed the tender flesh surrounding his neckline, comforting, affirming.

'I had to back up against a steaming pipe when I was using the pipelines...there was a guard lighting his sigarette just a few feet away from me.' He flinched, like he remembered the pain all too well. I let my flat hand rest on his chest and bent down to place a soft kiss at the hollow of his troath. His breath hitched. 'The only thing that made it worth all the pain was waking up and seeing you there with me.' He was teasing me again. Trying to lighten his own mood. Trying to escape the memories of pain.

'I was hurt when you wouldn't tell me what happened. I thought you trusted me. I was frustrated you didn't let me in.' I put pressure on my hand to strengthen my words. I felt the strong bones of his chest push back at my hand. Watched it go up and down with every breath he expelled.

'I know you were. I shut you out completely.' I nodded, acknowledging his words. He put his strong hands on both sides of my hips and pulled me just a little bit closer to his warm body. Adjusting both of my hands to lay flat on his bare chest, I searched for balance...

'What happened in Ad Seg?' His hands fell from my hips and a moment of doubt registered in his eyes. I kept my gaze firmly on his face, wanting to see every flicker of emotion he would give me.


	6. Chapter 6

PART 6

_Tinkerbel: You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting. – Peter Pan._

'I needed to get out of there...I put my blood into the escape plan. I wasn't going to let it fall out of my hands like that. I was in control most of the time. It's not the first time I had a break down like that. But it was the first time I let myself go there. Hopefully the last too.' He sighed.

'Did you induce yourself into a psychotic state?' I asked matter of factly. Part of me wanted him to tell me that he hadn't...because the thought of Michael doing something so dangerous to himself scared me out of my mind. But another part of me wanted to believe that he did have some kind of control...because the thought of him falling so deep down without anything to stop him...scared me even more.

He was rubbing his eyes and letting out a frustrated groan, he turned to me once more ...

'It's complicated...I don't know if I can really explain. When I was little, before we knew I had low latent inhibition, I had a lot of those episodes. Didn't know how to control it yet. Scared the hell out of me. Apart from my mother, Linc was the only one who could get me out of it...Certain things...stimuli sort of trigger my mind into a short circuit. I've learned over the years to come to anticipate these triggers. Darkness and a lack of stimuli, like in ad seg, are my worst triggers.'

'Oh Michael...' I softly whispered, feeling his anguish...

'Linc was there, talking to me through the pipes...helping me to keep my focus. But then I realized that maybe I could use it...to get me out of there quickly. So I stopped listening to Linc's voice and started focusing on the darkness...it only takes a moment of letting go...just one moment and everything falls to pieces. It's like an explosion of flashes...a neverending stream of images burnt on my eyes before just as quickly, everything turns still. The world stops completely and I'm left in complete nothingness.'

He took a deep breath, wetting his lips...drawing all my attention to those luscious lips I wanted to touch so much. His hand had fallen down and rested loosely on my exposed legs. He started drawing circles on my naked skin with his fingers. Seemingly focusing all of his energy towards his movements. I could feel the tension in his body remembering that horrible day. When he stopped his hands, he shifted his focus to my face and looked almost through me...distant. I had to strain to hear his next words. He mumbled them, like he was saying something to himself.

'...but I heard you when you came into the cell. You broke through the hase and the pain. I heard you, Sara, even when I didn't want to hear you. You were there...' He swallowed as I watched the emotion go through him.

'You scared me. You scared the hell out of me.' I thought I had lost him and I hadn't known how to get him back. Felt so helpless, so guilty for getting him in there, for not helping him when he'd obviously been through so much pain.

'I'm sorry... I couldn't think of any other way to get out of there. I needed to get to the psych ward. Needed Haywire to complete the tattoo again.' I acknowlegded the facts, giving him a sad but understanding look. I didn't like what I was hearing, but I had asked the truth. A part of me felt the anger rise up again for the way he had used me. Appealed to my feelings. Played with them, knowing I'd give in. Knowing he had that power of me...because I cared. As much as I felt angry that he'd hurt me, I felt even more anger for the way he hurt himself and the way this beautiful man kept crossing his own boundaries and limits to save another man's soul. To save his brother. How much did he really put at stake? How many sacrifices would he really make? I couldn't get my head around his plan: was it a heroic measure of brotherly love, born out of an unspoken bond shared between two men so different yet ultimatly connected or was it the work of a madman, whose genius and sheer devotion had given him the opportunity to make amends? My mind drifted back to the day I'd found him in ad seg and the days afterwards spent worrying about him. How I'd had to stop myself from going over to psych ward everyday to check on him. How the butterflies had churned in my stomach the day he'd requested to see me. How I'd felt like a teenager on a first date. I realized I'd been staring out into nothingness and Michael was carefully watching me. Giving me time to process everything. Waiting patiently for my next move, my next question...

'The innuendo in the psych ward?' My fingers slowly crept up his neck, making their way to the strong line of his jaw. I could feel his stublle, teasing the tips of my fingers, the sensitive flesh.

'That was mostly charm. I was happy to see you, like always. But I needed to get out of there and you had the power to do that.' He sighed again, frustrated. Like he was unhappy with his answer. He continued, stressing his words. 'The plan was set in motion. I didn't have much time left and the other inmates were complicating things. I knew I was using you but at that point, I'd exhausted all other options and I was reaching. Going on faith, on hope...on desperation to save my brother. I owed him at least to try to get out...'

I had thought as much. In the long hours alone on the run, fearing for my own life and his, I'd replayed many of the moments we'd had together. Trying to figure it all out. Trying to understand Michael, to understand his plan...to make sense of my part in it.

He tugged on the t-shirt I was wearing to get my attention. His t-shirt. He gave me a shy smile with a look that spoke volumes. He wanted me to believe his next words..

'Though the gift was sincere..' In a flash I saw his heart in his eyes. The vulnerability there overwhelming. And then he quickly averted his gaze to his hands. Toying with my shirt. Edging me closer. 'Actions speak louders than words, I guess.' He added.

A smile crept over my lips and warmed me as I saw it filter through him.

'But I'll always be sorry for how things turned out those last few days. I didn't feel like there was any other way... It really did tear me apart to do what I had to do...with you.' He added, defeated.

My hands went behind his neck, carressing his muscles there. The hairs on the back of his neck teasing my fingers.

'I realize that now...but back then, there were so many questions surrounding you, so many contradictory thoughts and feelings. I never could understand why you blocked me out and wouldn't trust me. That frustrated me...made me doubt my own feelings. It scared me that you could get to me like that. You were never just an inmate to me, no matter how much I needed you to be just that. But I know now why you couldn't tell me.'

I still had one question to go, one answer ... as my fingers found their destination...I watched as Michael closed his eyes and released the breath he'd been holding. My index fingers dipped into the small curve of his lips. Touching, exploring...slowly...precisely...lovingly...passionatly...the final question as I let my hand fall away from his face.

'How about the kiss?' This was –the- question of course, we both knew it. Fish or cut bait... He stopped all his movements and pushed himself up on his arms. He turned his upper body so he was leaning on one arm, coming up level with me. His voice was hoarse when he spoke, filled with emotion but determined nonetheless.

'The kiss was all Michael Scofield. The real Michael. The one that wished he wasn't in a prison, didn't commit a crime and didn't need to get his brother out of a death sentence he didn't deserve. It was real and it scared me. I wanted you so much I thought I could almost forget about the plan.'

He let his free hand play with my hair, just like he'd done back then. I closed my eyes and breathed the scent of him. Felt the moment, the sincerity of his words. Let them heal the wounds of doubt and self-protection.

'I let go of the plan, couldn't go through with it. Couldn't distract you with a kiss and steal away your keys. If anything, Sara...that moment was just about you and me. No plans, no charms...your lips touching mine, my heart reaching out to yours, the neverending thoughts in my head silent for just this once.' And when I heard him plead his words with such conviction and passion I realized this was in fact the real Michael Scofield. I started laughing. A bubbling feeling coming from deep inside of me and cleansing me of all the feelings of despair, loneliness, betrayal, abandonment and self-loathing that had kept me company over the last few weeks.

At first, Michael looked suprised at my laughter but he soon joined me in quiet bits of laughter himself. The tension in his body lessened and I knew he understood. Both our backpacks full of excess luggage and emotion had been discarded. We were free. We had set our own anxieties free...looked them straight in the eye and then into each other's and they had vanished in the tender light of the bond we shared. And with that our lips found each other once again. Unlike in the train, this kiss didn't start tentative but tender and quickly increased in intensity untill we were left gasping for air. Hands searching for flesh, touching, grasping, claiming...untill our bodies fully touched each other. My body closely wrapped around his. Chest against chest, the tension hanging in between us as palpable as an electric charge in the air. Suddenly the passionate storm gave way to deliberate stillness. With the slowest of kisses, my tongue started exploring his intoxicating mouth untill we were breathless again. And as I let my head rest in the crook of his shoulder, feeling his laboured breathing, inhaling the sweetness that was uniquely his...the storm inside my head and heart was finally spent and I felt home...

Michael clinged to my body and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me like he was holding on for dear life. With my head still firmly plastered against his shoulder, I felt the tension in his body build again, ready to snap at any time. He released a muffled sob as he pulled me even closer, tighter, untill he was nearly crushing me in his effort. Hot tears were streaming down his beautiful face, mingling with my hair strewn against his skin. Tension crackled and slowly, bit by bit the sobs subsided untill there were only silent tears. My fingers had started caressing his skin, touching every exposed bit of flesh within my reach. Staying close to him, comforting him with my whole being, willing the tension to evaporate and leave his tormented soul. The intensity of his release didn't scare me, it only strengthened the feelings we just shared. I had been granted a glimpse at the complexity and depth of this man's character and the revelations had left me completely speechless of Michael's capability to love another human being.

When the tears stopped, I continued my efforts, soothing, calming, loving. I pulled on the sheets underneath our strangled bodies and shifted both of us so I could pull them up to cover our cooled bodies. We were both drained from the events of the last few weeks and touched by the feelings and truths exchanged tonight. They needed to be voiced so that we could rest safely in each other arms, drawing strength from the inexplicable bond we had come to share. I reached for the bedside lamp as I looked at his face bathed in light. I placed the softest of kisses on the corner of his mouth and traced the line of his lips with my tongue, then turned off the light. Nestling closer too him once more, I rested my head against his, whispering close to his ear.

'Sleep with me Michael, tonight...sleep with me. No more bad dreams...'

'Sara...' He kept mumbling my name while placing the softest of kisses on top of my head.

We both needed sleep. He slowly turned his body towards me, molding our bodies together untill we were a perfect match. Neither of us said anything, listening to the sounds of each others breathing. I listened to the strong beat of Michael's heart gradually slowing its pace. I felt his body relax deeper into mine with every breath. Turning my head to look up to him, I stilled as he was watching me so tenderly. A warm smile on his lips. A twinkle in his hazel eyes.

'You need to sleep Michael' I tried.

'I know.' Smile still on his face, growing wider.

'Then why are your eyes still open?' My voice had dropped into a low slurring pitch though it conveyed its meaning light and teasing.

'Because this is a really good dream.' He started caressing my arms, up and down. Over my back, making me squirm against his body.

'Charm act.' I whispered.

A smile bubbled up and the sound of laughter made my heart warm. We had come full circle.

'I'll be here in the morning, you know. I'm not leaving again.'

'I know.' He sighed, a contented sigh.

'Then close your eyes and dream with me Michael.' My voice merely above a whisper, my body relaxing to the point of slumber under his calming touch.

'Night.' His soft voice murmured. 'Thank you, Sara.' It was a whisper; muffled into my hair as he squeezed me tighter and gave into exhaustion.

I kissed the hollow of his throat. Tender. Determined. Meaningful.

I knew we still had a long way to go. And not even Michael could 'plan' or foresee all the demons and fears that were still lurking in the dark recesses of the closet. But being here with him tonight had made me realize that there was also strength and hope...faith to hold on to.

'Sweet dreams, Michael.' I whispered against his skin and I knew that tonight the nightmares would not keep him company...I would.

And even though I didn't know what the reality of all the tomorrows would bring, I could give into my feelings for Michael. I could accept my part in the plan. I could accept that it had been real, it was real now. And no matter what, we would always have those precious memories shared in a forbidden place, a forbidden time. In a world so different from the one we were facing now that it felt like it happened in a dream. I didn't know what roads we would be traveling upon or where they might lead us...but I knew that tonight ...we had found a place to start...together.


End file.
